Thirteen Years In

Friday 11 January 2019

Will I ever learn to keep up this journal for a whole year?  And beyond, presumably? I imagine if I did I could get something done. The people who put in the work every day generally do, even if it's gibberish most of the time.

I enjoy starting fresh, so that's what I will do here rather than try to link this to anything in the past.

My last post on this was 8 years ago, when my brother Brian was still alive and visiting us here in Geneva. I did not know at the time that the next time I would be writing here he would be dead for 3 years.

What has transpired since then, relative to all this?

My biggest shift (and by biggest I don't necessarily mean very big) to date has been my decision to take up the guitar. I am in my seventh month of playing, and I plan to continue to learn and master the instrument.  I have several practical (and impractical) reasons for doing this, a few of which are private (not to be shared even in a private journal). However, as for decisions of why to start playing, it recently occurred to me that I am doing this for my brother Brian (and of course for myself), because he was robbed of his opportunity to live a full life. And so I have decided to live part of the rest of my life for him, by doing something that I have always wanted to do and yet would probably never get around to doing.

Taking on the guitar has not really solved some of my other problems, though it does serve as a welcome distraction at times. In a way, it scratches an itch, and I am keen to continue this effort to see what else it does for me. I believe it can be done, and it has helped my disposition in many ways as well as my self-esteem. It will continue.

I will hereby give up on the notion that I will soon begin a work of fiction, Rather, I take great satisfaction at merely putting pen to paper, and filling up a page with words expressed by me and written for an imagined reader - perhaps merely another version of myself, one who approves and appreciates what I have to say and has complete faith in my thinking process and ability to express myself.

The edict from on high is to write every day and do not interfere with content.